Whenever I tweet about my romantic life I get replies saying ‘I’d love to know more about this… it’s intriguing’. The truth is, it’s not intriguing at all. It’s exactly what it is. This is not cloak-and-dagger stuff, I swear. My life looks a bit like this: I do what I want. All the time. I do what I want whenever I want. There are no rules and no boundaries.
My set-up revolves around assessing the differing and mutual needs and interests of two people. Seeing how we fit together. How we can help each other. How we can make our lives’ landscape that little bit brighter. There have been people in my life that I’ve never wanted to hold hands with, but that doesn’t mean the sex wasn’t great. There have been people who made only very brief appearances, but that doesn’t mean they didn’t make a priceless contribution to my self-perception. I want to figure out, with everyone I meet (romantic/sexual/platonic prospects alike) how we can best fit to create comfort and happiness.
There’s really only one regular fixture in my life, and that’s the man commonly referred to on Twitter as my boyfriend. Or the Swede. He’s great, and more to the point he’s the only person I’ve met this year that’s made the cut. The warm, fuzzy feeling I get when I look at him isn’t diminished when I’ve spent the night with someone else. During the time we’ve been together, he’s had relationships of varying structures, durations and purposes. People think that because he’s kind and thoughtful and intelligent and he makes me laugh and is incredibly handsome that naturally I want to be monogamous with him. Newsflash: I don’t.
Instead of trying to be all things to one person, I can accept that I’m uncomfortable with the idea of my life revolving around one relationship. I don’t want to have to be everything. I don’t have the time or the inclination for that. I don’t want to promise someone I’ll never want to sleep next to/sleep with/declare affection for someone else. That’d be disingenuous. Instead I want to promise to brighten a part of their lives, whatever that part is. I want to be a force for good, for fun, for pleasure, and I want as much of that as possible.
I look for good people of all genders. I look for attractive ones, funny ones, engaging ones, brilliant ones. I want to experience them. I want them to contribute to my life. I go on dates, in the naïve hope that I might find someone new. Most people I meet I never see again because my standards are high and my instinct takes a lot of convincing that someone isn’t a jerk. But I do look for them. And sometimes I go to bed with them and sometimes I see them again.
So there you have it: my intriguing life demystified! Next time I’ll tell you why I do it.